“There is no new thing under the sun,” records the Book of Ecclesiastes. So, it is with cutting, a little talked-about self-injurious behavior. “Self-injury is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting…[it] is an unhealthy effort to cope with negative emotions..” according to the http://www.mayoclinic.com.

How should believers equip themselves to address this growing problem? To explain, “Millions of teens are involved in self-destructive behavior,” according to a March 2007 article by Susie Shellenberger in Focus on the Family Magazine. Some experts estimate that about 75% of self-mutilators are female, but males cut, too. Sadly this behavior hits closer to home than we would like to admit. At church services and Christian ladies meeting where I speak, there is sometimes a mom asking prayer for a daughter who cuts, or a friend worried about a teenage friend who cuts. Infrequently a cutter herself will ask me to pray for her. Of course, she doesn’t reveal she cuts, she just cries and hangs her head and wears long sleeves regardless of the temperature. However, I recognize her, because my own left arm bears the scars from once raw razor blade slashes made four decades ago as a hopeless teenager. “People who hurt themselves are denying the truth that they are God’s handiwork. They believe they’re useless; they feel they have no significance because someone has used or disregarded them. They’re unaware of the greater purpose God has for them,” writes Focus on the Family’s Shellenberger.

Besides, when you are hurting traumatically on the inside, whether from past abuse or perfectionism, it can seem your only release from the emotional pain is to hurt yourself on the outside. Research has even indicated that the chemicals released during cutting have an analgesic property temporarily giving the victim a feeling of calm. Cutting is mentioned several times in the Old Testament. For example, Leviticus 19:28 says, “You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead.” In his Explanatory notes, theologian John Wesley writes, “Cuttings in your flesh – which the Gentiles did both in the worship of their idols, and in their solemn mournings.” While, Deuteronomy 14:1 states, “You are the sons of God you shall not cut yourselves…” Apparently, thousands of years ago, God didn’t want his children to cut themselves anymore, than He does today. Yet Jesus once said, “They that are whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.” [Luke 5:31] Jesus didn’t come to condemn the world, rather to save the world, and sometimes we must be saved from ourselves.

Coping techniques, like cutting and other self destructive behaviors including eating disorders and drug and alcohol abuse can eventually become deadly addictions. God can free people miraculously when we pray, but He normatively uses a gradual pathway of freedom from habitual/addictive behaviors. For example, Dr. Thomas Holmes of Covenant Ministry Services, a Christian Counseling Center in Lima, Ohio, suggests that those addicted to self injury wear rubber bands on their wrists. When the temptation to cut [or to engage in another self-destructive behavior] becomes intense, Dr. Holmes suggests simply snapping the rubber band. Although, this will temporarily create a minimal amount of pain, it will also cause the person tempted to regain control. Combining this technique with Christian counseling, and praying for God’s intervention, along with accountability to a spiritual mentor can be helpful in battling self-injurious behaviors.

A valuable Website for information and support about self-destructive issues, along with depression and suicide can be found at http://www.twloha.com. [To Write Love on Her Arms]  The physical scars are only a reminder of the deeper emotional pain that troubled teen is battling. If you or someone you love is self-injuring, remember there is hope in the God who can do anything but fail. But you have to take the first step, and be honest about needing His help.

Christina Ryan Claypool is a freelance journalist and evangelistic speaker who is the author of the book, Seeds of Hope for Survivors. Contact her through her Website at http://www.christinaryanclaypool.com

Words are a powerful tool. Some folks never learn just how powerful they are. Rather, by not guarding what they say, they spend their lives wreaking emotional havoc wherever they go. In explanation, loving words can heal a broken bond, while hurtful remarks could destroy a relationship forever. The importance of governing words is sometimes lost on those who grow up in dysfunction, like I did. We can become misguided individuals believing that as long as we aren’t physically abusing anyone, screaming, or cursing; that verbal attacks are acceptable.

What happened behind closed doors when we were children, is often not an acceptable role model for healthy communication. No matter our age, and regardless of how painful our past has been, it’s wrong to think that God allows His children to wound others. West central Ohio’s Pastor Randy Bargerstock shared this poignant truth in a message once. He said that there is a lie that some people believe that when they have been hurt, this gives them the right to hurt others.

The Bible contradicts this falsehood, “The good man from his inner good treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things. But I tell you, on the Day of Judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, non-working) word they speak. For by your words you will be justified and acquitted, [or]…you will be condemned and sentenced.” Matthew 12:35-37

Not only will we be called to account for our words, but the kind of life that we live today is dependent on healthy communication. After all, Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].” In explanation, unchecked anger, lack of forgiveness, or bitterness, can drive us to say cruel things to others. In Matthew 12:34 we are told that, “…For out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks.”

“If we permit wrong thoughts [or motives] to dwell in our hearts, we will ultimately speak them. Whatever is hidden in our hearts will sooner or later be expressed openly through our mouths,” cautions Evangelist Joyce Meyer.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages also believes that words have great impact. He even identifies, “Words of Affirmation,” as a basic love language for some individuals. “One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up,” explains the bestselling writer. “Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love,” adds Chapman.

However, sometimes relationships, and especially marriages, fall into a vicious cycle where partners exchange criticisms and complaints, instead of encouraging words. When a relationship reaches this point, author and speaker, Nancy Leigh DeMoss suggests fasting critical comments for 30 days to break the destructive pattern.

Because a man’s greatest need in relationship is respect, the harm of disrespectful words can cause great division. Since a woman’s primary need is for love, she will also begin to have damaged emotions from constant verbal criticism.

Biblical writer, James understood the power of words. “But the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless…evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God’s likeness! Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so.” James 3:8-10

We can’t tame our own tongues, but God can. After all, most of us realize that domestic violence is never acceptable often forgetting that verbal battering is another form of abuse. Therefore, ask the Holy Spirit to guard your mouth during disagreements. In addition, realize that you don’t have to raise your voice to be abusive. Rather a demeaning tone or the viciousness of accusatory words can break a loved one’s heart. I will honestly admit that I’m writing this, because controlling my words has been one of my greatest life struggles.

If you are like me, and you do feel yourself losing control, walk away from the situation, until you are able to deal with the confrontation more calmly. Also, apologize to those you have wounded in the past, assuring them that you are working on communicating more appropriately. Pray for wisdom, requesting God’s help in changing destructive verbal behavior. “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure; then it is peace loving, courteous, (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits…” James 3:17

If you have read all of the above, then please watch this incredibly insightful, but very short video that millions of viewers have seen on YouTube. You will be amazed at how we say, what we say, affects our lives. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU

Christina Ryan Claypool is a 1st place Amy Award winning freelance journalist and Christian speaker. She is the author of the book, Seeds of Hope for Survivors. Contact her through her Website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com

Many of us spend lots of time wishing our lives away. Instead of enjoying the present, we wait for things to come to an end. Whether it’s a book, a movie, a concert, or even our growing up years, we often daydream about the ending. This isn’t all bad, since the Bible tells us that, “Better is the end of a thing than the beginning of it….” (Ecclesiastes 7:8) After all, it’s good to work diligently, complete a task, and set a new goal. But it’s not good to unrealistically daydream about the future when we think our circumstances will somehow reach perfection. Anticipating what’s next, we often miss the here and now. We forfeit our present moments of enjoyment, which can never be relived.

Or maybe today’s struggles seem so great, that we can’t wait until tomorrow comes. Yet, the Bible says, “…do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34 Amplified Bible) A promise of trouble can make one a little jaded about the future, but all God is trying to tell us is to, “Live One Day at a Time.”

We can also become discontent fixating on what we wish we had. Or obsessed with obtaining what we think we will need. So unhappy, in fact, that we forget to be grateful for the here and now.

Maybe that’s why the Apostle Paul tells us in the fourth chapter of Philippians, “I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.” (Phi. 4:12 The Message)

In contrast, part of our human nature seems intent on not celebrating our current blessings. Instead of savoring the priceless experiences of today, we frequently dream of the fulfillment we will find in our tomorrows. For example, single folks often envy married individuals, while some married people readily joke about how much they miss their carefree single days.

Another example of missing a blessing is the classic story of the young mom [like I once was] who is exhausted by the boundless energy of her tiny toddlers. She dreams of the day when she can send them off to school. But before she knows it, that same mom will be at her child’s graduation wondering how the years flew by so fast.

Many of us will probably attend a graduation or two in the next month, and witness fathers and mothers who have that frozen deer in the headlights look. Some of us can remember fighting back tears, when our own children graduated. Because as parents we were shocked when the end came sooner then we could have ever imagined.

Yet a graduation isn’t an ending at all. The word, commencement actually originates in the root word, commence, which literally means to begin or to start. A graduation is a beginning of a new life for the graduates, but for those of us who love them it often signals our most difficult parental role, the task of letting go.

Jesus had to let His disciples go, when He ascended to His father. Yet like most wise mentors, He had done His best to prepare them for the next stage of life. He even left them with this command, “Go into all the world and preach and publish openly the good news the Gospel to every creature.” (Mark 16: 15 Amplified)

We always paint Jesus as this down-to-business kind of guy, who led his band of men with a heavy hand. But think about it; a boisterous fisherman, a tax collector, and a couple of boys with hot tempers could not have been controlled with rules and regulations. Our Savior won their hearts by being an intent listener, a compassionate friend, and a man who liked to share a good meal. In other words, he lived in the present, and so should we.

The next time you find yourself wishing your life away, maybe it’s not a lesson from Scripture that will call you back. Instead listen to the lyrics from Trace Adkins’ country hit,  that says, “You’re going to miss this. You’re going to want this back. You’re going to wish these days – hadn’t gone by so fast.”  So, enjoy the journey one day at a time, and Happy Graduation!

Christina Ryan Claypool is an Amy Award winning freelance journalist and Christian speaker. Contact her at Christina@christinaryanclaypool.com

                  Prayer is something that we should do always. “Pray at all times (on every occasion, in every season) in the Spirit, with all [manner of] prayer and entreaty…” (Ephesians 6:18 Amplified Bible)

     Our prayers can be such a powerful tool, but do you ever think of prayer as something beautiful? I never did, until “Uncle” Gene taught me the truth about the beauty of prayer.

The late Fred Eugene Perine wasn’t my uncle at all, but rather a close friend’s uncle who always treated me like family. After graduating from The Ohio State University with a degree in journalism, he worked at the Detroit News, The Lima News, and the Port Clinton Daily News, among others.

Later, he became a social worker, ultimately achieving the rank of deputy director for Franklin County Human Services. Columbus became his hometown, and social work his occupation. Yet to coin an old joke about newspaper employees, his veins continued to bleed black for the rest of his days.

Our paths crossed infrequently after I was an adult, yet he never missed an opportunity to encourage my passion for writing. He had only heard about my passion for Christ, since that came after we had drifted apart.

More than a decade ago, I was blessed to share one last lunch with Uncle Gene. Of course, I didn’t know it would be our final meeting. It didn’t seem possible that this curmudgeonly mentor who always reminded me of Andy Rooney could ever die.

At lunchtime, Uncle Gene who was in his mid-seventies arrived at west central Ohio’s WTLW TV 44 where I then worked as a reporter and producer. I gave my elderly colleague a “fifty-cent” tour of the station. Even though he had newspapers in his blood, I noticed that he seemed genuinely excited by the studio lights, cameras, and anchor desks. What I didn’t notice was that the still barrel-chested, silver-haired senior had become quite fragile.

Therefore, at lunch when our salads arrived, I was a bit intimidated when asking my impressive mentor if it would be alright to say a blessing. You see, spirituality wasn’t something that we had ever discussed.

Besides, praying in public before a meal can require a combination of wisdom and boldness. Sometimes we need to pray silently by bowing our heads. At other times, we have to have enough courage to ask our companions, if they want to be included.

After all, nobody wants to look like a hypocritical Pharisee saying prayers to impress others. While reciprocally, God’s children need to take time to thank Him for his provision. The Bible says, “Pray diligently. With your eyes wide open in gratitude.” (Col. 4:2 The Message)

Uncle Gene gently said that it would be ok to say a blessing. I reached for his wrinkled hand, and bowed my head while offering a simple prayer of thanksgiving for him and the food. When it comes to prayer, I’ve never stood on formality. My favorite definition of prayer is simply, “Talking to God.”  Not talking to a distant “pie in the sky” kind of God, rather having a transparent conversation with our Heavenly Father who loves us more than we can imagine.

Anyway, when I finished my prayer, and said, “Amen,” I opened my eyes, and was shocked when I saw tears in my surrogate uncle’s eyes. In three decades of knowing him, I had never seen him cry. As a single tear began to cascade down his weathered cheek, he brushed it away with his stubby hand.

Thinking I had somehow upset or offended him, since we had already entered the politically correct era, I quickly offered an apology. Instantly he assured me that everything was fine. He explained his tears by softly saying, “Beautiful things always make me cry.”

It was my turn to be shocked again, since this was a side of Uncle Gene that I had never seen. Sometimes, I think of his reaction when I’m feeling intimidated about bowing my head and blessing my meal in public. Praying publicly can require us to be a bit bolder than we would like, but you never know who this simple witness of our love for Christ will touch.

Christina Ryan Claypool is a Christian speaker and Amy Award winning freelance journalist. Contact her through her website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com