Tag Archives: teenagers

Remembering a Brave Prom King

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Corsage and CrownMost people attend a prom or two, but I’ve attended lots of proms. Like most teenage girls, as a high school junior, I was excited about the prospect of my first prom. Truthfully, it wasn’t much fun, since the boy I had a crush on didn’t ask me.

My senior prom was monumentally worse. By then, I was a patient at Toledo State Mental Hospital following an almost fatal suicide attempt. After spending a couple months in a private psychiatric ward, my insurance ran out. I was committed to the decaying institution that then housed thousands of mentally ill individuals. Before Mental Health reform, that horrible place was reminiscent of the one depicted in the classic film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

Battling depression and an eating disorder, I looked more like a 17-year-old Holocaust victim than a carefree teenager. The psychiatrist granted me a weekend pass hoping that attending prom would lift my spirits. My date was a classmate who suffered from epilepsy. He must have empathized with my situation, and proudly escorted me to the prom ignoring the stares from a few overly-curious students.

Fast forward three decades to May 2002, when my life looked nothing like that struggling teen. Faith, education, and the support of a few encouraging mentors had positively changed my circumstances. I was also engaged to a wonderful man who was a school administrator, whose job necessitated that we chaperone prom. Never having had an opportunity to go to prom together, Larry and I decided to don a tuxedo and gown and make it our night, too. Larry and me

Since then, my husband and I attended quite a few proms as chaperones. The impressive decorations, twinkling lights, and colorful dresses, still take my breath away. But the prom I remember most vividly is the one when a precious senior who was dying of bone cancer was elected prom king. It was the last year that my spouse served as a middle/high school principal at a rural school in northwestern Ohio.

We had all come to love this quiet dark-haired youth known affectionately by his nickname, A.J.  He was a senior, who had waged a long and valiant battle against Osteosarcoma. For nine months, he was spot-free, but then the disease turned deadly. Despite his illness, A.J. was compassionate and wise beyond his years.

Somehow in a tight-knit community where folks have known each other forever, tragedy is worse, because everyone is affected. Prom wouldn’t have been prom without A.J. being there, and he knew it. Even though, it had been months since he had been able to attend school, A.J. mustered all his strength and accompanied by his dedicated fiancée`, he showed up looking handsome in a white tuxedo.

As the disc jockey played pulsating music, the students danced energetically, while silently grieving the inevitable loss of the fun-loving youth who had always been part of them. When his classmates voted for their prom king, I shouldn’t have been surprised  when A.J.’s name was announced.

There was a moment when the reality of the high school student’s dismal prognosis hit me full force. It happened when a pretty senior girl asked if she could take a picture with him, and they posed humorously cheek to cheek with toothy grins. What A.J. didn’t see, was that when the blonde turned away, her expression crumbled into a painful grimace. She had taken the photo as a memory of the boy she had probably known since kindergarten, realizing he would soon be gone. Like a trained actress, before she turned to face A.J. again, the golden-haired girl mustered her courage and smiled brightly. Her affection for her terminally-ill classmate wasn’t romantic love driven by adolescent hormones. Rather it was the kind of caring that country kids take for granted growing up in a close circle of friendship.

When my husband and I visited him for the last time, A.J. sensed that my heart was breaking. He smiled his dazzling smile, and said, “I’ll be okay.” Then the 18-year-old lifted his T-shirt sleeve and displayed a large tattoo of a compassionate Jesus. A visual reminder of the Bible’s promise, “I am the Resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.”

That July, the bravest prom king I’ve ever known took his last earthly breath. Still, he lives on in the hearts of those he inspired, forever wearing a white tuxedo and a jeweled crown.

Christina Ryan Claypool is the author of the inspirational, “Secrets of the Pastor’s Wife: A Novel” available through all major online retail outlets. She is an AP & Amy award-winning journalist and speaker, who has been featured on Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life and CBN’s 700 Club.  Contact her through her website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com.

“Suicide: All the Reasons Why Not” by Christina Ryan Claypool

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“Why” is the question we are haunted by when someone we love takes their life.  Netflix picked up on this quandary and created the series, “13 Reasons Why,” about a teenage girl’s decision to complete suicide. She leaves her tragic story behind on cassette tapes implicating others for her fatal action. The teen drama was released on March 31, 2017, and has been renewed for its third season to air sometime later this year.

When this controversial show was originally broadcast, all kinds of folks weighed in. I didn’t. It was too close to home. I suppose I’m a reluctant expert, because in my youth I almost died by suicide. Still, it seems important to speak up now, because according to a recent Forbes article by Dr. Robert Glatter, “…[a] study from Nationwide Children’s Hospital noted that from 1999-2014 the suicide rate increased three fold among girls between the ages of 10-14.” In addition, “Suicide is the second most common cause of death in the U.S. among youths between the ages of 10-19….”

Within the faith community, Pastor Rick Warren, the well-known author of the New York Times #1 best-seller, “The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?” and his wife, Kay Warren, have stepped to the forefront in the battle for mental health awareness. Since, Matthew Warren, their 27-year-old son’s highly-publicized suicide six years ago, they have been champions for the cause raising awareness for those silently suffering with a mental health issue.

Despite their efforts, there are archaic beliefs that continue to abound within the church. For instance, condemning an already emotionally fragile person for not having enough faith to overcome a mental health issue. Some even claiming it’s a sin to allow yourself to plummet into a pit of despair, ignorantly comparing a clinically depressed state to a self-induced pity party.

If you’ve never struggled with any form of clinical depression, bipolar disorder, or even crushing anxiety, you probably don’t understand how an afflicted person can’t simply will themselves out of their hopeless mindset. Depression, which is often a precursor to suicide, is different than being sad, disappointed, or experiencing an occasional down day. Instead when depression accompanied by suicidal ideation is unrelenting and untreated, it’s rather like having terminal cancer and being in so much agony nothing alleviates the pain.

Sadly, www.mentalhealthamerica.net reports, “44,000 Americans die by suicide each year…[and] There is one death by suicide for every 25 attempts.” Addiction increases the risk, “Individuals with substance abuse disorders are six times more likely to complete suicide….”( www.verywellmind.com )

Since Netflix is preparing a third season of the graphic and exploitive “13 Reasons Why,” parents of teens should be alarmed, because some experts consider the program to be extremely harmful. It’s not only, “13 Reasons Why,” but reading books or viewing movies like, “Breathe” or “Me Before You,” which glamorize and promote physician-assisted suicide can influence individuals of any age to falsely decide a mental health/personal crisis can only be solved by terminating their existence.

If someone is contemplating suicide, I would like to offer you some reasons why not. Beginning with the fact, the people who love you will change, but not for the better. Most likely, they will never stop wondering what they could have done to make you stay. Those left behind will probably blame themselves and be filled with regrets. A counselor will shake his or her head sadly confirming no one is to blame, but deep inside many loved ones will continue to be tormented by “what might have been.” I know this firsthand, because I lost someone I loved more than my own life to suicide. Someone I would have gladly traded places with if only it worked that way, but it doesn’t. 

For those of us who are suicide survivors, defined as losing a loved one to suicide, there are never any good answers. Survivors grapple with the “Why?” question, until this internal wrestling exhausts us, and we reluctantly accept we will never know why. So, please don’t embrace the lie that you are a burden, and suicide will free those you love.  Instead you will create an agonizing pain for family and friends – a heartache so unbearable they could lose all hope for tomorrow. After all, statistics reveal those who lose a loved one to suicide can become vulnerable to taking their own life.

Stay alive for the people you care about, even in the midst of the depression and the darkness. Reach out and get the help you need, because with professional treatment you can recover. My life is a testimony that with God’s grace you can live one day at a time. You will see the light again. Hope will return and one day you will remember you are on this Earth for a purpose.                   

If you are contemplating taking your life call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. Whatever you do, don’t give up.

Christina Ryan Claypool is a national Amy and Ohio AP award-winning freelance journalist and inspirational speaker. She has been featured on Joyce Meyer Ministries Enjoying Everyday Life TV show and on CBN’s 700 Club. Learn more at www.christinaryanclaypool.com. Her latest book, “Secrets of the Pastor’s Wife: A Novel” is available on all major online outlets.

Parents warn your kids about Acquaintance Rape

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Steubenville football players, Bill Cosby, and now a former Stanford swimmer, have made headlines over accusations of rape. Since in our country, we’re innocent until proven guilty, this column isn’t about prematurely convicting the accused, or even further chastising the guilty. Rather, it’s about exposing the ongoing and often silent threat of acquaintance rape. The www.freedictionary.com defines acquaintance rape as a, “Rape committed by someone with whom the victim is acquainted.” Originally, this crime was commonly identified as, “date rape,” but that terminology is too specific. Although in college rapes, the perpetrator is known to the victim 90 percent of the time, they are not necessarily a dating partner.

Tragically, rape and sexual assault happen both to women and men, and can occur anywhere. Yet RAINN, the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network reports, “9 out of 10 rape victims were female in 2003.” So, for space, let’s talk about young women on college campuses only. Alarmingly, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 80 percent of sexual assaults of college females are likely to go unreported. Why wouldn’t you tell someone if you had been raped or sexually assaulted? Maybe, because in some cases, there are extenuating circumstances causing a victim to blame herself. For example, a 2004 study conducted at 119 colleges found that one in 20 college women reported being raped during the school year…[while almost] 75 percent of the victims said they were intoxicated when the assault occurred.” Additional statistics indicate that “75 percent of male students and 55 percent of female students involved in acquaintance rape had been drinking or using drugs.”

Campus sexual assault surveys indicate that about 1 in 5 female students will be a victim of sexual assault. These statistics, however accurate are not the point says writer, Tyler Kingkade in his December 2014 Huffington Post column. Kingkade says the point is that victims are finally speaking up and saying that once they did report, their cases were handled poorly by campus hierarchy. Here’s the dilemma: often a university is hesitant to admit that they have a problem with rape on their campus. It’s not exactly a PR selling point for parents, “Have your daughter come to our college and then take your chances.” A victim can also be revictimized by the reporting process, and the inability to successfully prosecute the crime. Although some universities are aggressively addressing this tragic phenomenon through preventive education. Yet this knowledge can come too late for acquaintance rape victims, since freshmen and sophomore students are at the highest risk of violation.

That’s why, it’s paramount for parents to speak candidly with their college-bound kids. Warning their daughters to not go to a party alone but with other females, and never leave with a male she doesn’t know well. Tell her to guard her drink [even if it is water or soda] and never drink from a punch bowl or open container, because drug facilitated rapes are an ongoing issue. “Alcohol remains the most commonly used chemical in crimes of sexual assualt, but there are also substances being used by perpetrators including: Rohypnol, GHB, GBl, etc.,” according to the RAINN Website. Their national sexual assault hotline is 800-656-HOPE.

Tell your sons that, “No,” means, “No.” No matter how far the sexual activity has gone, and if a young woman is incapicitated, she’s just not fair game because she is unable to legally consent. Don’t assume that your child will not drink, attend parties, or make poor choices, even if they are a church-goer or homeschooled since these can be the most vulnerable youth due to naivety. Remember a teenager’s newfound freedom can be a dangerous gift with deadly consequences. Lastly, don’t expect public high schools to be solely responsible for prevention. They are inundated with a multitude of prevention issues like: bullying, teen dating violence, prescription drug abuse, nutrition, etc. It’s time for parents to step up to the plate, do a little research, and start this difficult conversation.

Christina Ryan Claypool is an Amy Award winning freelance journalist, who is a past two term board member for the Ohio Coalition Against Sexual Assault. She is the author of the book, Seeds of Hope for Survivors, which includes the chapter, “The Reality of Acquaintance Rape,” available through www.amazon.com or her Website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com. Ryan Claypool has been featured on Joyce Meyer’s Ministries Enjoying Everyday Life program.