The Love Story Lie

With Valentine’s Day on the way, some folks will probably go out to dinner and then take in a romantic or maybe even a nostalgic film. Although it’s hard to believe it’s been 50 years since the classic movie, “Love Story” first hit the silver screen in 1970. If you’re a boomer or beyond, you are probably familiar with the film’s storyline. “Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan O’Neal) the heir of an American upper-class East Coast family is attending Harvard College where he plays hockey. He meets Jennifer “Jenny” Cavilleri, (Ali McGraw), a quick-witted, working-class Radcliffe College student of classical music, they quickly fall in love despite their differences,” according to Wikepedia.org.

Huge spoiler alert, viewers know from the beginning that the ending will be heartbreaking. This is revealed in the film’s opening when the audience is presented with the poignant line: “What can you say about a girl who was 25 and died?”

The tragic romantic drama was written by author, Erich Segal, and based on his best-selling novel, “Love Story.” The American Film Institute lists the movie as number nine (#9) on its list of most romantic movies and was the highest-grossing film of 1970 taking in $106.4 million at the box office. But did this seemingly harmless heartbreaker of a movie negatively affect the romantic relationships of the countless then young, impressionable theater-goers who watched it? Sadly, for some individuals, I personally believe that it did.

You see, hosts of impressionable youth might have embraced Jenny Cavilleri’s (McGraw’s) famous line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” to Oliver (O’Neal) when he apologizes for an angry outburst. Later, Oliver repeats the famous line to his millionaire father (Ray Milland) after Jenny dies. With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, some theaters nationwide will host a special viewing of the film during February in celebration of its 50th anniversary this year. When I saw the advertisements, I wondered if a whole new generation of movie-goers might fall for this faulty philosophy. “Am I the only one who thinks that ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry’ is just plain wrong?” one individual asks the Internet website, www.Quora.com.

Apparently not, “Erich Segal’s classic is no friend to love,” writes www.DailyMail.com columnist, Amanda Craig in an archived post. “It is quite possibly, one of the worst philosophical guides by which to conduct your life ever to have been offered…Whatever love means saying sorry is a huge part of it.”

Unfortunately, it’s not easy to learn the art of apology. Admittedly, after being married for almost two decades, it’s still a challenge to acknowledge when I’m in the wrong. Yet I’m grateful I quickly grew to disbelieve the quotation’s dangerous message that when true love exists between two people in a relationship, it can be unconditional, no explanations necessary for bad behavior, and no apologies expected for negative actions or unkind words.

If human beings were perfect, never having to say you’re sorry could work. But we are flawed, and sadly our less than perfect natures can result in the unwanted outcome of hurting the ones we love the most. Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas believe so strongly that learning to apologize in a meaningful way is necessary to the health of a relationship, they co-wrote the book, “The Five Languages of Apology” in 2006. The book’s theme supports the theory that a sincere request for forgiveness can be an influential tool in mending a relational rift. Chapman is well-known for the New York Times bestseller, “The Five Love Languages.”

In “Love Story,” no apologies are necessary for anything ever, if you love the one you have wounded. The iconic film both won and was nominated for all kinds of 1971 industry awards winning one Oscar for Best Music, the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture (Drama) along with another eight wins and 16 nominations in various awards and categories. Ryan O’Neal was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. He was a young, handsome heartthrob who undoubtedly sold us a bill of goods with his infamous line.  

Ironically in the last scene of his 1972 film “What’s Up, Doc” co-starring Barbara Streisand. Streisand’s character (Judy) tells love interest (Howard) Ryan O’Neal, “Let me tell you something, love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” replies Howard (O’Neal). 

Truthfully, I couldn’t agree more.

Christina Ryan Claypool is a national Amy and Ohio AP award-winning freelance journalist and inspirational speaker. She has been featured on CBN’s 700 Club and on Joyce Meyer Enjoying Everyday Life TV show. Her latest book, “Secrets of the Pastor’s Wife: A Novel” is available through all major online outlets. Contact her through her website at www.christinaryanclapool.com.

The Healing Power of an Apology for a Wronged World War II Vet

Whenever Veteran’s Day draws near, I am reminded of the story of Samuel Snow who believed an apology was important enough to wait more than six decades to receive one. In July of 2008, a then 84-year-old Snow traveled across the nation to accept a formal apology and an honorable discharge from the United States Army. According to media reports just hours later, the World War II veteran from Leesburg, Florida, died in a Seattle hospital.

“My dad has been standing in formation all these years, waiting to have his name cleared. With the Army’s honorable discharge, he was at ease…and he went home,” said Ray Snow, son of the late soldier in a released statement after his father’s death.

In 1944, Samuel Snow was one of twenty-eight black soldiers wrongly convicted of rioting charges resulting in the death of an Italian prisoner of war. In his book, On American Soil: How Justice Became a Casualty of World War II, author Jack Hamann pointed to “serious flaws” in the prosecution of the case. According to Seattle Times staff reporter, Sandi Doughton, “Hamann championed the cause of the black GIs. His investigation cast suspicion on a white military policeman, now dead, as the prime suspect in the murder of the Italian soldier.”

After Snow’s conviction, he spent 15 months in a military prison and received a dishonorable discharge, which greatly altered his life opportunities. Upon his release, the African American soldier returned to a then segregated Leesburg, and his “dishonorable discharge” became a sort of “death sentence” according to Ray Snow. The senior Snow could only find work as a janitor or handyman following the scandal, but he was a man of deep faith who refused to grow bitter. Although his son who became an elementary teacher in Leesburg said that it became his father’s “mission” to obtain official documentation regarding his innocence.

This tragic tale points to the significance of an apology. Sadly, the ability to admit wrong in life’s lesser matters than the grievous offense Snow suffered has been radically altered by our progressively lawsuit happy world. To explain, blame seems to be readily pronounced in our society, despite motivation or intent in many situations. That’s why fear can keep an individual or organization from assuming responsibility for a mistake or error, because it could result in life-altering financial or professional consequences. Still, a sincere request for forgiveness can be an influential tool in mending any rift. Besides validating the offended party, it can also set the perpetrator free of the guilt that wrongdoing intended or unintended can create. Yet when the words, “I’m sorry,” are said, it appears to matter a great deal how they are delivered.

That’s why the method we use to apologize can contribute to whether the apology will be accepted according to the classic book, The Five Languages of Apology. Co-authored by Dr. Gary Chapman who also wrote the New York Times bestseller, The Five Love Languages, the book’s cover explains that, “Sometimes, saying, ‘I’m sorry’ just isn’t enough.” Chapman and co-author Dr. Jennifer Thomas believe that there are people who have been wronged who need to hear the offender not only confess regret, but also accept responsibility for their actions. Along with accountability, there is the act of “making restitution” by asking, “What can I do to make it right?” This might also be necessary, if it is the injured individual’s language of apology according Chapman and Thomas.

For Snow, a 2002 verbal apology by an Army major general just wasn’t enough. That’s why the elderly man traveled from his Florida home to Seattle with his son in July 2008 to attend the ceremony honoring him and the 27 other falsely accused GIs posthumously, because all but one other soldier had died. Snow refused to let questionable health prevent him from making the historic trip. Unfortunately, the aged veteran was hospitalized in Seattle and unable to attend. His son went instead. Returning to his dad’s hospital room, Ray presented his father with the framed honorable discharge from the ceremony. Reports say the falsely convicted man held the official plaque in his arms, clutched it to his heart, and smiled. With his dignity finally restored, he died just hours later. Like every dedicated soldier with his mission accomplished, I’m hopeful that Samuel Snow is now resting in peace enjoying a hero’s reward. But I wish I could extend the same gratitude to him that every military man or woman deserves to hear, “Thank you for your service!”

Christina Ryan Claypool is a freelance journalist and inspirational speaker. Contact her through her website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com