June weddings, anniversaries, and children

Bride and Groom Cake TopperHistorically, June was the month when most people wed, and there are some interesting reasons for this. “During medieval times a person’s annual bath… usually fell in May or June, meaning that June brides still smelled relatively fresh…but just to be safe, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide their body odor.” This informative fact is from the website for the Topeka and Shawnee [Kansas] County Public Library. Another reason in the past for the popularity of June weddings from a Huffington Post blog by destination wedding planner, Sandy Malone, is that “the tradition dates back to the Roman times when they celebrated the festival of the deity Juno and his wife Jupiter, who was the goddess of marriage and childbirth, on the first day of June.”

“On a practical note, others chose June in order to time conception so births wouldn’t interfere with harvest work,” the same Topeka library reports. It’s not very romantic to think about smelly summer brides or babies scheduled around a farmer’s calendar, but weddings continue to be planned to allow newlyweds and their families to arrange work vacations.

Now days, Malone finds that even destination weddings occur almost as frequently in most summer months since there are reduced rates available in the off-season. As for 2014 statistics, it appears June (15%) is still the most popular month, but October (14%) is a close second from www.prnewswire.com. May through October are all strong months, with December gaining ground. But I admit that having a June wedding myself fourteen years ago, found me nostalgically reminiscing about the life-changing event that a wedding is. After all, wedding anniversaries serve as a tangible reminder of the love story that two people share. Even the most unromantic of folks would have to admit that reliving the beginnings of their relationship can rekindle the wonder of how they found their way to each other out of all the human beings in the world.Bride bouquet

Yet the day-to-day grind, hectic schedules, and trying to constantly share, can leave even devoted soul-mates perplexed at the concept of doing life together. In many ways, perhaps, this is why statistically speaking, marriage is on the way out. That part about, “Until death due us part” has lost its luster for younger folks who see how poorly those of us of former generations have done it as indicted by the divorce rate. “After decades of declining marriage rates and changes in family structure, the share of American adults who have never been married is at an historic high,” reports a September 2014 column from the Pew Research Center. Specifically, they cite about one in five adults over 25 equating to 42 million American adults as having never married, although they frequently marry later. The opinion about “the role marriage plays in society” is a vital factor as Pew Research also finds, “…with young adults much more likely than older adults to say society is just as well off if people have priorities other than marriage and children.”

Still, children are being born, and experts say that they fare better when they live with parents who are married. “Children raised in intact families have, on average, higher academic achievement, better emotional health, and fewer behavioral problems,” states www.familyfacts.org. Other websites also confirm that married parents are usually at an economic advantage, and have more time to spend with their children. It appears whatever month a wedding occurs in, it is more than a union between two people. It is also about their offspring, extended families, and society in general. That’s why a wedding anniversary is such a milestone. It is a statement of celebration and hope.

Larry & Christina If we do make it anniversary after anniversary, there is an incredible reward in having someone know us better than anyone else. Hopefully in also having that same someone in our corner during the rough times and celebrating the good times. Marriage isn’t anything like a romantic novel or movie, which creates unrealistic expectations. Admittedly, it would be pretty impossible for an ordinary man or woman to live up to the leading characters in a Nicholas Sparks’ film.

Love isn’t movie-script predictable. It’s always a risk, and sadly divorce can happen to anyone, rendering emotional heartbreak. Yet hearts heal, and anything worth very much in this life is generally a risk, but some risks are worth taking. That’s why an anniversary can be a wonderful reminder of the miracle of real love!

Christina Ryan Claypool is a freelance journalist and inspirational speaker. Contact her through her website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com.


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Long-married Couples share advice for, “Living Happily Ever After”

June might be the traditional month for weddings, but all year long beautiful brides in flowing white gowns and handsome grooms in black tuxedos promise to be together, “Until death do us part.”  Sadly, if we look at the grim statistics, many of these marriages are destined for divorce courts.

Defying the odds, are Dave and Arlene Gates who celebrated their 46th wedding anniversary on July 2, 2012.  Arlene encourages others to begin their marriage with the conviction, “that this is a lifetime commitment.” The retired teacher has heard people say they never have arguments, but she believes that, “In most relationships there are disagreements…. When we disagree…we normally keep the issue on the disagreement and don’t dredge up accusations and hurtful things just for the sake of retaliating.”

Dave who is in his late sixties, was also a teacher, assistant principal, and head football coach both at Graham and Sidney High Schools. As for disagreeing, he remembers the uncertainty that a difference of opinion can create early in a marriage. “When you’ve been married awhile you have the benefit of looking back and saying, ‘We’ve been there before.’”

Dave stresses that marital battles are not about winning or losing. “There’s no score board in a marriage,” he said. His advice to couples starting out is to take accountability for their actions by recognizing, “What part of this disagreement am I responsible for, and what can I do to see it doesn’t happen again?”

“Sometimes, we agree to disagree,” Arlene admitted. But don’t let a disagreement cause you to imagine that, “We are not suited for each other, [or that] we can’t make this work,” she said. Rather know, “This too will pass.” They attend the First Baptist Church. “…The same faith is a real grounding in sharing what’s important…you are accountable to God even if nobody else knows what’s going on,” said Mrs. Gates.

In a long-term marriage, Arlene mentioned the importance of keeping the “romance and love” alive.” The Gates are also concerned about the lack of positive role models for young people faulting today’s media and celebrities for portraying a skewed picture of reality.

Mary Kathryn Mescher of Fort Loramie would say her role models were her own family. She and 74-year-old husband, James who is retired from Midmark Corporation, celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past June.

 Although the 71-year-old wife never received any specific advice from her parents, their example of a fifty-plus-year marriage was a living testimony. “We were just brought up when you got married you were married. You sort of follow in their footsteps…how they lived. My husband’s father and mother were married 65 years, and I guess that’s what we are shooting for,” she said.

“There’s a lot of difference now days between the kids and us. They have jobs and can make it on their own,” explained Mrs. Mescher. “We were home with our children. We quit working. We relied [on our spouses] to bring the money in….It was a kind of partnership,” she explained of the cultural shift with women working outside the home.

Her advice to couples just beginning their journey is, “It’s a lot of give and take.” For folks experiencing difficult times, “Hang in there, tomorrows going to be better,” encouraged the retired St. Michael’s church employee. As for motivation, “You live for your kids and grandkids.”

Sharing happenings about her children and grandchildren is one experience that Sue Britton misses greatly. “It’s lonely being alone… There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t say, ‘Wait until Bill hears this,” said the 78-year-old widow. Sue and her late spouse, Bill Britton were both battling cancer at the same time three years ago. She survived her bout with ovarian cancer, but tragically Bill succumbed to lung cancer three years ago this past May.

Married in 1955, the couple shared almost 55 wonderful years together. “My father always told me to marry a man who is good to his mother…and Bill was.” Sue is grateful she followed her dad’s wise advice. The couple raised three children together with Sue spending “ninety percent of her married life as a housewife.” Her suggestion for a good marriage is to, “Just trust each other…in every way.” If there are, “any reservations, don’t marry them,” she warned.

Sue’s life seems full with family, friends, and restored health. Yet the outgoing widow said, “I would give anything for just five more minutes” with her husband. “Because I just had so much to tell him that I never told him. It’s…companionship you miss the most…”

In closing from the road less traveled, if you have some things to tell someone you love, why not do it today. After all, they might not be here tomorrow to listen.

Christina Ryan Claypool is an Amy Award winning freelance journalist. This column originally appeared in the Sidney Daily News in June 29, 2012.


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